How should church leaders respond to abuse?

I recently heard someone say that when it comes to the weak and vulnerable, the church should be a ‘safe haven.’  It would be hard to disagree with that.  Yet tragically, it must be said, there are times when this doesn’t hold true. 

When the grim situation of abuse arises, how should church leaders respond?

Don’t be shocked

Of course, we can be startled to discover the identity of a particular abuser.  What should not surprise us, however, is the fact of abuse.  If anyone should grasp the dark potential of the human heart, surely it is the Bible-believing Christian.  Given our knowledge of human sin and the prevalence of abuse stories throughout society, we would be naive not to anticipate abuse even within the confines of the church.  A wise leadership team will do just that.  They will think through ‘what we would do’ in such a situation.  This in turn will better position leaders to respond when an actual case of abuse arises.

Recognise that it is wrong

First, abuse is wrong because the image of God says so.  All human beings are made in God’s image, regardless of their gender or age (Genesis 1:27).  This means dignity.  It means worth.  It should mean never being exploited in any way. 

Secondly, abuse is wrong because the law of God says so.  Many Old Testament laws were specifically given to protect the weak and vulnerable (Exodus 22:21-24:18; Isaiah 1:17).  In the New Testament both verbal and physical abuse are condemned and said to characterise the godless world in the ‘last days’ (2 Tim 3:1-8).  Sexual immorality, which includes sexual abuse, is roundly and repeatedly condemned in the New Testament’s ethical teachings (Ephesians 5:3, 1 Thes 4:3-8, Hebrews 13:4).  Put simply: God commands us in the Bible not to abuse people.

Thirdly, abuse is wrong because the grace of God says so.  The grace of God teaches us to say no to ungodliness (Titus 2:14) and this includes any un-God-like acts of abuse.  God’s gracious love displayed on the cross is not only a means of our forgiveness.  The cross teaches us humility, sacrifice and self giving (Phil 2:1-11).  It teaches us not to ‘take’ from relationships in selfishness and pride, but to put the concerns of others above ourselves.

Do not cover it up

For one thing, in many countries you will break the law if you knowingly fail to disclose a serious criminal offence to the police.

But even without the threat of this here in Zambia[1], as Christians, we must remember that we do live under civil authority.  Yes we are under the authority of the Church (Matthew 18:15-20) but this does not negate the responsibility we have to ‘Caesar.’  God has set this authority over us to bring justice (‘the sword’) in criminal matters (Romans 13:1-5).  Be aware that in cases of child abuse especially, studies have shown that children are highly unlikely to make false accusations towards an adult.[2]  Recognise too that if you sit on your hands, a vulnerable person might still be in danger or further people might be harmed.  When it comes to abuse, we must not go slow where we need to go fast.

Practice Church discipline

Running alongside any criminal proceedings, the church also has a pastoral responsibility towards the abuser.  Support should be offered, but also truthful confrontation.  If the case against the individual is unclear, there may need to be some suspension of judgement until court proceedings are concluded.  Even still, it would seem wise to remove the individual from areas of church life where they could be in proximity to vulnerable people. 

If there is an admission of guilt, or strong proof, church discipline will move faster.  It may be that the individual will be removed from membership altogether.  Certainly this will be the case if the person is unrepentant of their sin (1 Corinthians 5:1-5).  If the person is not removed from fellowship because they are confessing their need for grace, their confession should not be accepted at face value, but clear practical steps of repentance should be set out and slowly worked through (Luke 3:12-14).  This may involve following strict safeguarding rules for the safety and comfort of others. 

In all this, the rest of the church membership will need to be communicated with, and kept periodically updated on the situation.  Elders should communicate with the congregation carefully, honestly but not exhaustively.  People need to know enough to understand the nature of the situation and to pray intelligently.  It is not necessarily wholesome to know every grim detail.

Give helpful counsel to the abused

  • Do not chastise them for not following the proper biblical procedure when raising allegations.[3]
  • Do not rush to tell them to forgive the offender, when they’ve hardly even been ‘listened to’ and had the chance to unpack their pain. 
  • Do not minimise the sin of the offender by saying that ‘we all sin’ and ‘but by the grace of God go all of us.’ [4]
  • Encourage the individual to be open to trauma informed biblical counselling over an extended period. 
  • Tell them it’s okay to find church difficult and to be struggling to trust people. 
  • Be patient with them and don’t expect too much, too soon. 
  • Do not promise that everything will get better, because the reality is that life might continue to be hard for them.  But tell them that Christians who are abused, do find the strength to persevere and even grow more like Jesus, through the traumas they have passed through.
  • Point them to a Saviour who Himself was abused and to a future where every wrong will be righted and every tear wiped away.

[1]  The Anti Gender Based Violence Act 2011, s5(a) only references the duty to inform a victim of the victim’s rights and any basic support which may be available to assist the victim

[2]  One study found only 1.5% of accusations to be false. Children tend to lack the sophistication or motive to make up false allegations of abuse. (R. Kim Oates, et al, Erroneous Concerns About Child Sexual Abuse, 24 Child Abuse & Neglect 149-157, 2000)

[3]  Matthew 18 is often cited, wrongly in my view, as being a process the abused should follow to confront their abuser by themselves – or it is taken as meaning that the church should handle the matter internally, without police involvement. However Matthew 18 is not addressing criminal matters. In such situations, Romans 13 is our go to text

[4] Yes we are all sinners, but abuse (sexual and physical especially) is often a pattern of behaviour that is built upon layers and layers of deceit and strategic choices that a person has made over years. It is naive to equate it with a momentary lapse into sin.

Share this article:

Facebook
Twitter
LinkedIn
WhatsApp